(Bumped to the front, via FanPost. FlaGators)
Fellow Gators,
We've been throwing around a lot of names for who may be our offensive coordinator next year. Most of them are extremely depressing. Let's explore the worst case scenarios to joke around and give us some sanity. I'm confident that all of us have a feeling that the hire will be less than awesome.
Sincerely,
ParadigmShift35
Ron Prince - It's so bad I would almost be happy. A Power Towel-waver on our sidelines? What could go wrong? #RonP4UFOC
Jeff Bowden - A Bowden coaching a Florida team? I would rather die. Plus, he isn't good at all.
via acctrash.files.wordpress.com
Will Muschamp - In this scenario, Muschamp calls the offensive plays, too. My God. I can't even imagine a defensive coach calling offensive plays.
ParadigmShift35 - I would call every play like it's NCAA 12. Four Verts! Deep Attack! Screen Pass!
via a0.twimg.com
A Turkey Sandwich - Hell, it couldn't be worse than Weis.
via i.istockimg.com
KJGator22 - He would just criticize the players the entire game. He's a sports fan, y'all.
via a2.twimg.com
Please be kind and use good grammar.
4 recs | 29 comments
Vote for me for Offensive Coordinator!
I promise I’ll, like, throw the ball downfield and stuff. These things are voted on, right?
The Commenter Formerly Known as Not You - December 14, 2011 via mobile
VOTED
ParadigmShift35 - December 14, 2011
I think we should beg this guy to come back.
Gatorbuc15 - December 14, 2011
HOW DID I FORGET HIM?
ParadigmShift35 - December 14, 2011
Hahahaha
I guess the game plan you and I talked about makes us ineligable for the job paradigm. Screw it hahaha
gatorempire127 - December 14, 2011 via mobile
lol
That’s a good question.
Gatorbuc15 - December 14, 2011
Genius
whambam - December 14, 2011
ummm
how is RB Dive Left and RB Dive Right not on the Addazio Decision Maker?
CPFro3 - December 17, 2011
Because, the decision maker is only for one play for the whole game. All other plays are reserved for draws. The decision maker is not needed.
evandagator - December 17, 2011
Turkey Sandwich! Haha. Love it.
FlaGators - December 14, 2011
The old redneck guys who parked and tailgated at my best friends' house in college
had had a signature drink called a “Turkey Sandwich, Hold The Bread.” It was Wild Turkey 101 with Mountain Dew. That is what I think of whenever I hear “turkey sandwich,” and that is how I chose to interpret the potential coordinator.
doker - December 14, 2011
That sounds delicious.
FlaGators - December 14, 2011
MDEW Code Red and Vodka is my go to drink if I don't have anything better
Hook85 - December 14, 2011
"My God. I can't even imagine a defensive coach calling offensive plays"
This guy is available.
/trollface
Grizzly_Adams - December 14, 2011
AHHHHHH
ParadigmShift35 - December 14, 2011
Props for using KJGator22.
What an ass that guy is. I think I would argue with him even if I agreed with him.
Troll2Troll - December 15, 2011
Yep
KJ and I are best buds.
ParadigmShift35 - December 15, 2011
we need someone who'll take a hands-on approach to the game
That’s why I think it has to be the ghost of Woody Hayes. He helped invent the boring offense used by the NFL, and he’ll toughen our players up the old fashioned way: physical abuse. Unless his non-corporeal form is unable to connect with the occasional throat-punch.
NC_Gator - December 15, 2011 via mobile
If it has to be a living person
How about Dave Clawson. I hear he did some wonderful things at Tennessee with a catfish for a quarterback.
NC_Gator - December 15, 2011 via mobile
Maybe we should go ahead and replace the whole offensive staff
Wide Receivers – Terrence Edwards
As a standout at UGa, his play in the 4th quarter (dropped pass) helped decide the 2002 Cocktail Party, and led the Dawgs to a 13-1 record.
Offensive Line – Andre Maginot
The deceased French Minister of War developed an innovative blocking scheme that prevented the German invasion of France in World War II for days as they circumvented the Maginot Line by going through Belgium.
Running Backs/Recruiting Coordinator – O.J. Simpson
This is an image hire, who wouldn’t feel safe with O.J. sitting in their living room promising to treat their son like family?
And finally…
Quarterbacks/Offensive Coordinator – Garo Yapremian
His throwing motion may be unusual, but all he does is throw touchdowns (just search for him on YouTube). Some people may disagree with naming a kicker offensive coordinator, but I say the “kick first” offensive philosophy needs to be explored.
NC_Gator - December 15, 2011
Jeff Driskel, anyone?
As in, he calls all his own plays. Hey, it works for that Andrew Luck guy.
V. Money - December 15, 2011
Haha, now we’re getting somewhere.
FlaGators - December 15, 2011
Muschamp calling offensive plays
Coach: Punt.
Driskell: But it’s only 1st down!
Coach: Punt.
Driskell: …………
Coach: Give our D a chance to score. BOOM!
GoGators15 - December 15, 2011
’Rec.
FlaGators - December 15, 2011
thassarec
1959 Ole Miss OC on line 1, sir.
theologator - December 15, 2011
Rec’d
Gatorbuc15 - December 15, 2011
Allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste.
RjTheMetalhead - December 15, 2011
I think Muschamp could work
We could just stare at the defense for 25 seconds and on the next play try to draw them offsides with 20 “hut-hut”s … Isn’t it ingenious? Course it is. In fact it’s Genenis, it’s BRILLIANT!
ECFIVESTER - December 15, 2011
Brilliant!
ParadigmShift35 - December 15, 2011
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